60 Vampires in my Shower

September 28, 2010: There were 60 bloodsucking vampire mosquitoes (remember guys always like to exaggerate) in my shower yesterday…and 66 vampires in my shower today. All of these insects were possibly carriers of the wonderfully pleasant Malaria virus. I say this because the CDC randomly sends me an email for Malaria area updates and today, I happened to get one – hmmmmm…coincidence or a sign? I am currently not taking any medication due to me being a genius a while back mixing all my malaria pills in one container to save space in my backpack…once one of my three Costco sized bottles expired, I couldn’t tell which ones did or didn’t by looks, touch or smell.

I had only a few options to resolve this matter. I could have taken the expired medication but reading the warnings on the internet, this could give me some serious trip ending side effects. My other option was to give some to one of the mangy dogs or kids in the form of wrapped sweets who are walking around the street and see if he or she still looks as mangy as the next day or sadly, worse. Being much too complicated, I decided it was easier to flush them all and just kill a few fish.

Thankfully, once standing in the shower I was safe from these vampires since the sign of the cross with my two fingers didn’t work nor did my wooden cross. Hollywood is once, again a bunch of liars…or…the cross is not as powerful as it use to be. Never the less, being in the shower for extended periods of time was not bad because I could live in the shower if I was given the option…you could then call me “shower boy”. But, I am now not shower boy and meaning that I had to get out. Also, when I pay so little for a room…I actually feel bad if I take too long of a shower - if the workers are nice.

Standing there, the mosquitoes were surrounding me…waiting for me to make my exit. Looking at my towel, my clothes, and my soap dish I did a precise calculation on every move on what will take me the shortest time to get out of the shower and out of the kill zone. My best bet was to wrap the micro towel that covers half my body (a little more than half - from my Oscar Mayer Wiener to a little over the crack of my butt –laughing…I haven’t used the word wiener since I don’t know when) , don’t dry off in the shared bathroom, grab my clothes and soap dish and make a crouched dash out of the bathroom toward my room hoping nobody will see the partial streaker…even though this place is a nudist colony in its infancy.

The scene worked out like an old B&W western movie as we were waiting to see who made the first move in the dirty shower. My calculations worked out quite nicely as I made my mad dash out the door and to my room with zero injuries.

Now if I could only master going to the toilet without having to look around the whole time afraid that these vampires were going to give me a surprise attack from below, or all other imaginable direction as they decide to pull a Japanese-like kamikaze attack on me as I am trying to peacefully drown my kids in the pool.

As I keep trying to tell everyone...amazing adventures or misadventures don’t just take place in the jungles or high on the mountain tops. It can happen in the depths of your house, toilet bowl or even at your cage in the office…adventures happen every day, everywhere…you just need to, open your eyes.