June 16, 2011: New York City is a metropolis that looks more like a modified cement rat maze than a concrete jungle, locking in an estimated 8,175,333 homo sapiens who scurry around here on a daily basis. Thankfully the people who live here participating in the so called “Rat Race” don’t at all resemble this furry large rodent, because if they did…I might have to start an organization to legalize bestiality. How can a city like New York City magnetize so many attractive women is something I don’t think I will ever understand – and I once foolishly thought Medellin in Colombia had the largest consolidation of the most attractive women in the world.
Staying with my friends in Brooklyn and Spanish Harlem I ended up being extremely busy as they would either fake illnesses or legitimately request time off of work to show me around. From my visits to museums, fataurants (aka restaurants), an animal prison and general urban exploration, I found myself moving a bit slow as I continue recover from my surgery and the residuals that go with it – though happy that I will not always support these extra large leg hair pulling vaginal Band-Aids that women so unfortunately have to wear throughout their younger “leaking” years. By the end of the day (10 of the 12 days) I was typically exhausted, supporting a limp that would strongly resemble a man after his 1st day in a prison shower.
On the weekends I would hang out at my friend’s house on the Jersey Shore, failing to see anybody who looked like Snooki from the questionable famous reality show, “The Jersey Shore.” One night, we were going to attempt to make contact with women such as these at a bar called DJ’s. But, after a hard day of Jamin’ at the farmers market, our 1.25 hour power nap turned into a 12 hour power sleep. I was unfortunately unable to maximize my purchase of dark tinted aviator sunglasses and a tight white tank top to expose my huge two-toned biceps to blend in to ward off any potential low IQ Jersey boys from ruining my scientific study of these Jersey girls - who live in the state that is considered to be the “Armpit of America.”
My visit was great and I need to thank Priceline.com and my friends for literally getting me out of my IKEA hospital bed. I will definitely miss them and the one and only NYC rooftop barbeque. Someday I look forward to ”when I get back,” in the United States for good so that I might be able to reminisce with people that I have known more than 2.5 days. Until then, I will not be experiencing this till I am fully netted by a fish in the sea.
No comments:
Post a Comment