Friday, May 20, 2011

How many people does it take to go up a grown man’s anus?

May 20, 2011: Owning a set of rubber wheels and an abundance of frequent flyer miles that can magically whisk me away to friends’ houses, tents and hideouts throughout the continental 48 states and Canada without the need for red sequin shoes, Toto or an F5 Tornado to pull me from a city that at times feels worse than Kansas…and I am still unable to visit any of them.

An item that has needed some attention for an extended period of time has seemed to put me into a human body shop with similar qualities of an automotive body shop, taking much longer than anticipated for repair. I now seem to be anchored by a medical chain in Detroit…that is painfully connected to my anus.

After seeing 1 receptionist and 1 doctor in Colombia about 15 months ago, I could have taken care of my medical issues at a cost of an estimated $40 USD with same day service. Taking 12.045638 seconds of thinking, I decided against a suggested procedure by Dr. Big Belly as my mind recalled my prior visits with the Colombian torture specialist, Dr. Feel Good, who worked out of the same office. She was the doctor who previously attempted to fix a problem that I wrote about in my previous blog posts, Time to visit Dr. Feel Good to take care of “it” and the post Round 2 with Dr. Feel Good.

Back in the US and 72 days after my initial visit to the hospital, I am now on the road to recovery. I managed to log 4 visits and had direct contact with 7 receptionists, 10 nurses, 3 interns, 3 doctors, 1 anesthesiologist and 1 x-ray tech…resulting in being issued a human work order which included a skin graft, some external repair and some internal repair on some plumbing. Let me remind you…in Colombia, I could have had this fixed the same day after seeing 1 receptionist and 1 doctor. Which method of repair would have been better? I am not a member on a medical board nor do I have any medical qualifications, but I would have to go with the method which included the skills of an anesthesiologist offering a ticket to La La Land.

It is looking good that I will be back on the trail June 28th, at 87.00345% strength as I will continue to tramp around South America and wherever else this adventure happens to take me. So…how many people does it take to go up a grown man’s anus? 25 people...not including those who showed up while I was in La La Land.

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