The United States and Colombia has failed me

June 27th, 2010: Needing to support the US in the world cup, I made a friendly bet with my newly acquired Peruvian friend, Maritza who is here on vacation. After the US sadly lost its match, I was giving ever so kindly given another chance to lessen my losses.

Two women (?) were about to fight each other in a world title match on TV and the fighters happened to be from Peru and Colombia. The woman from Colombia looked like a shemale Coastano version of Mike Tyson and the Peruvian was looking more like a patch lickin skinny crack addict. I obviously picked the Colombian to win, but unfortunately after 10 painful rounds, I was too failed by Colombia and now needing to buy the winner a total of about four drinks - which is my total consumption of alcohol for 2 nights out.

Four drinks is that not that many for someone from South American except that she is on holiday and has been enjoying it to the fullest starting in the early hours of the day chasing it with toothpaste. Heading to multiple discotecs, I happened to show off my ability to sit at the bar or one of the multiple tables and on occasion I would show my skills and rip up the dance floor…white boy style.

By 4:00am Maritza was on her way to a KO. Perhaps I too was on my way to some distant land…more so from exhaustion (my photo could say different). Losing all of the other a long long time ago, we jumped into a cab to save ourselves from walking 4 or so blocks and up one step uphill…and possibly saved myself from fireman carrying my 4.8 foot, 70 pound friend (just a wild guess).

I heard about drinks putting hair on your chest but…on you head? All the hair I grew on the top of my head from the earlier consumption of the local drink, a pisco sour…it was quickly shed from the slow motion adrenaline spike the taxi driver caused. No worries though, I prefer not carrying shampoo anyhow.

After the brief one minute ride, we made it back to the front door of the hostel. Getting out of the cab which was parked on the cobble stoned San Franciscan style inclined street…the cab stalled and began an uncontrolled roll backwards. The door hitting me at least twice as I did a side run backward before getting out the doors way leaving Maritza to her death as she sat dazed in the back seat. I saw the panic in the driver’s eyes as the car was going unintentionally backward, but was somehow suddenly stopped a foot or two away from taking out a house.

A wonderful night out in Peru…but, once again I need to enforce my two drink limit...that is unless it is a picso sour with its head hair growing capabilities.