My son plays the Air Guitar…with his wiener.

March 28th, 2011: It is time for me to leave the St Louis area and get back to tramping around. Before leaving my sisters, I took a moment to reflect on my visit and said goodbye to my furry feline I call my son, whose name is Willie. My last memory of him is not of how he caught me off guard as he gave me a bloody nasal piercing when giving him some tender goodbye hugs. It is the sight that will be etched into my memory for life from the night before when I was laying on the floor with him being 14 inches from my face…as he looked at me with his blackened eyes when he was giving his toy some tender humps - clearly being a sign for me to quickly get out of Willie’s way so that I didn’t get any unexpected money shots.

What was going through my sons head? Is he thinking about his stuffed animal Kermy the frog, or his feather toy that my father would distantly stroke him with the last time I left him for a journey tramping around on the other side of the globe? He seems to even do it now with nothing there. Is this him mixing it up a bit showing his skills on an Air Guitar with his wiener, or is it just exercises for when he is up for bat again?

Willie clearly has no idea on when it is and isn’t appropriate to play his Air Guitar or with his wiener. These actions seem to take place throughout the entire day and it is safe to say that there needs to be an intervention. Though, he is a cat and cats obviously do what they want to do, when they want to AND what they want to, when they want to. So now, when people are over and he is inappropriately mentally sliding into home plate, attempting to achieve his climax…I no longer need to show my friends on how high he can jump – so boring. I can get to show my friends on how well he can play the Air Guitar with his wiener or how much he is able to hump without taking a break. Not every cat owner can entertain his/her guests this way…making Willie…special.

In St Louis I managed surviving the heat, snow, torrential downpours, 233 mph wind and frigid temperatures that the Midwest can somehow bring within a 24 hours timeframe. I had a wonderful time the past few weeks visiting family over here, learning how to play Frisbee golf and even pulled off some new tourist sites - needing to specifically mention the St. Louis City Museum. This museum is more like a giant urban hamster cage/McDonalds play ground, but 1,203,000 times better and 20 time more dangerous. It must have been created by angry parents or hamster owners tired of watching them have all the fun. Good job St. Louis, you will oddly be missed.

A wedding and a…hockey game

March 18th, 2011: After 2 weeks being back in the US, I discovered that not much has changed over the past 23 months but the unfortunate increase in prices of a McDonalds value meal and that my sister, Aimee has lost her last name…dropping from a whopping 10 letters to a measly 4 - if she thought that bigger is better she would have never have made such a decision.

My sister’s wedding took place at a professional hockey game – a location only truly appreciated by those individuals from Detroit (aka Hockey Town) and of course by all maple leafed flag swinging Canadians. During the ceremony I tried to prevent my tears from falling, hoping they would freeze as I tilted my head back to contain the excessive buildup within the cavities of my eyes. With my sister now married off…I am the last one in my family that is holding out. Is it pickiness, my professional “Tramp” status, or is it fear? - I would like to say it is the first two of the three.

With my sister on her honeymoon in Vegas, I have her and my new brother-in-law’s house all to myself. I have not yet capitalized on being alone with the ability to run around the house stark naked staining the couches when I take a seat.

With plenty disposable time, I have been doing what I have wanted to do for the longest time…vegetate. Yes…that is correct, vegetate. I have miraculously taken form of a giant albino-like green bean, lounging around on the floor in front of a fireplace, burning what hairs I have left on my body too resting my beans on a wonderfully comfortable couch. Renting a massive amount of non-pirated videos from Redbox I am attempting to catch up with Hollywood, feeling as if I am almost caught up with what I have been missing…which is…nothing.