It takes two to Tango…and steroids

March 3rd, 2011: For four days I tore through Buenos Aires. As most people know, Buenos Aires is known for its shopping, Tango, world famous meat and stunning women – which to some, stunning women is the same as world famous meat.

With plenty to do and a limited amount of time till my return back to this enormous city, my friend and I decided to do a little, a lot and a lot a lot of shopping with a side trip to a tango class and show.

Playing follow the leader with my friend Sabrina, she reminded me of the great joys of clothes shopping with a woman. It has been a while but, she let me show off my previous skills of being a professionally purse/backpack holder as she would disappear in the dressing rooms for extended periods…at times wondering if she might have escaped out the back window when I wasn’t looking.

One evening after completing a Tango class, I was issued my official certificate of completion. With my confidence being really high…too high…I thought that somewhere my future, I had a smidgen of hope to become a successful Tango dancer - giving me an opportunity to get some legitimate cheap feels without the need to serve time or explain my actions to anyone.

After folding up the certificate which was going to make it in the trash shortly following the show, the other graduates and I were then corralled into another room to see the professionals perform the Tango… crushing – more like nuking my hopes to ever be able to Tango – that is unless I believe in dropping the age limit on who I will date to 12 year olds. I say this because the men would easily toss the women dancers around with subhuman strength as they somehow did playful ball kicks between the guys’ legs without fazing them.

I don’t have any future plans dropping my age limit on who I will date to an imprisonable age, nor do I see myself spending half my life in the gym oiling my body and shooting up on steroids so that I can toss an average size woman with curves and some junk in her trunk around on the dance floor. So, I figured I will forgo learning how to tango at a high level of expertise and just continue holding up walls next to the dance floor. Better yet, I need to simply stick to my original plan and...learn to salsa.