Coca-Cola Zero saves me from getting hypothermia

November 23, 2011:  If it wasn’t for the municipal park and the trip down the Rio da Prata, my past 6 days in the small town of Bonito might have been hard for me to justify if I only saw the mediocre waterfalls and caves.  I think a strategy of these tourist traps is to take some professional photos, invest in a good photo editor and then spend large sums of money on signage.

As we were driving away from my hostel to the Rio da Prata when it was too late to change my mind, I began to think…why am I paying to do the dead man’s float down a cold river for about an hour or two? What was I thinking? I HATE cold water and I am doing it without anyone pressuring me. I was relieved though when I arrived to the staging center, seeing that in addition to the goggles and snorkel, you are also given wetsuit.

I joined a group of 6 other Brazilian tourists, which were obviously not backpackers since not one person talked to anyone for the entire first half of the trip. I missed being with other backpackers today…I would do anything this moment to be asked the dreadful repetitive standardized backpacker questions.

A big big bottomed woman go to the fitting area for her equipment, I wondered if they were actually going to find something that fit her.  Exiting the fitting area a minute or two later, they actually had a wet suit over that gargantuan booty of hers.  Crazy on how elastic these wetsuits can be.

During the swim down the crystal clear Rio da Prata River, it was as if you were swimming in the world’s longest natural aquarium, being able to see hundreds and hundreds of fish for great distances.  I would have thought the water would have been safe to drink - if it wasn’t for what I did to prevent a medical emergency. 

I thankfully drank a whole 2 liter of Coke Zero the night before not knowing that is was going to help prevent me from getting a mild case of hypothermia today.  When my body began to uncontrollably shiver, I initially pushed out 0.75 liters of warm body fluid into my convenient urinal wetsuit following another 0.50 liters shortly after – saving the rest to regulate the interior temperature for the remaining swim. 

I couldn’t understand almost anything the guide said, so I lagged behind the others, playing a game of “monkey see monkey do.”  Since in Brazil, I am getting use to not talking very much – I suppose this goes for all of South America.  A lot of people that I been meeting lately don’t speak English or is just hiding it,  so I have been getting accustomed to being silent and for those who truly know me…I am a talking machine so this has been difficult. 

Tomorrow I am thinking about making it to the Cuiaba, the city right before the Northern Pantanal.  If the price it right, I will take a tour to the Pantanal.  If not…I will show some leg and hitchhike.

Temporary loss of an appendage in Antarctica

February 18th, 2011: Don’t know what got into me…perhaps, pure stupidity. For someone who would rather swim in a hot steamy outhouse in a pool of fecal matter before swimming in a cold river – today I voluntarily placed myself into perhaps the coldest body of water that I have ever been in, leaping into an icy bay with some goliath sized ice cubes. Originally organizing a group of individuals to join me in my stupidity to help me from backing out, all of them changed their minds when it was time to prepare for our infiltration into the water. A poor leader I must be, failing to lead my troops into a funnel of stupidity…so I did it alone.

Taking off from a dead start I began brainlessly running till the water was deep enough for a full frontal dive completely submerging myself, feeling as if I might have gone into a brief state of shock. Spinning around I did a mini-back float…and if my memory stands correctly, I added a mini-flutter kick for some style points before dashing to the edge of the water on the way out, getting a photo of myself holding a piece of ice as I stood there in my 2 year Jockey’s - thank god that they are naturally black (if they were white, I guess I would then be telling you about my chocolate-vanilla swirl Jockey’s – NOT a good visual). The camera toting individuals on the shore were surely admiring my pastiness, while amusingly noting how my appendage managed to mirror a turtle as I exited the water.

While catching the next Zodiac back to the ships conveniently placed sauna…my body performed a major workout attempting to keep warm as I convulsed in crack addict fashion – exhausted upon my arrival to the ship.

I still can’t believe I’m in Antarctica. I have not planned it, but I just realized today that I have officially explored all 7 continents. Not a goal I was striving for so it didn’t feel like a huge accomplishment but I did it never the less - so…what’s next?

*Please note that I uploaded a multitude of photos of this trip in my...Antarctica photo album.